First, let me say I have been ‘outed‘ in a civil court in Dallas County Texas in 2001, with the entire ATR web domain printed out and presented to the judge as evidence against me. Did I get my day in court? No. Was it because I was ‘outed‘? I will never know. The judge threw the case out on a technicality although for 7 years he had been begging CPS (Child Protective Services) to bring him any scrap of evidence he could use to protect the children. That information was there in 2001. He knew the CPS worker was going to try to help my granddaughter ( born out of wedlock ) and that the proof he had asked for was there. We will never know if it had anything to do with me being ‘outed’ or if he just dumped the case on a technicality.
So yes I have been 'outed'. Now would I want my penecostal cousin, some of my good neighbors or Storm's family to know of our personal lifestyle choices? Of course not because it would hurt them. They would recover and love us anyway, but why hurt people because of choices I have made?
Then you go to the extreme. In most states because of what is called "long arm statutes", you can be subpoenaed to appear in court. You have to go,and hope that long arm statute will pay your way and expenses ( although don't count on it ). In criminal cases you have no choice, unless like in the O. J. trial you are a very rich ex-football player who could afford a $25,000.00 lawyer to fight for you. However more and more in civil suits the long arm statutes says you can not be forced to go to that state, but the state can ask that the state you reside in take your testimony and send the transcript to the requesting state at their expense.
This could never happen to you right? Wrong! Say you belong to a Yahoo group. A subpoena could be served on Yahoo to get your ISP. From there the ISP would give the numeric IP code for you, and wham, you have someone with your real name, address, phone number and a process server on your doorstep.
You could suddenly find out your life is now on trial. Your personal choices are being delved into. In a criminal case if you lie it is perjury and you could face a fine or jail time. In a civil case you might get away with it. Many people are very out about their lifestyle and although discussing their kinks maybe a tad embarrassing it would not be life altering. Others, however, may find themselves outed and like a rabbit caught in car headlights, wonder what do they do now. Not much, unfortunately. When I was outed, I tried to maintain my dignity, did not look ashamed, met the accusers eye to eye and walked out of court with my head held high. But I will never know if my kinks resulted in injuries to a child.
I have had no contact with my son since 1998 when I was outed to him. I grieve and hope one day I look down the driveway and he is there, but I had to realize he was soon going to be 33 and I have to give him not only credit but responsibility for his decision that there is no place in his life for me.
In spite of the fact I am a very private person and guard my privacy fiercely, I have found because of of my advocacy work for those in the lifestyle and abuse survivors, my lifestyle pen name has been tossed around globally. Some of it good and some of it bad, but again such is life.
I have been a sub since I was 16. Had my first intense BDSM--- D/s relationship at 19. It burned hot with consuming passion and burnt out very quickly, but, Oh, the wonderful memories, and I then knew where my own destiny would carry me. I went into what is now called 24/7 relationship at the age of 25 with my then husband/master. When my ex-husband/master 'outed' me with pictures to his family, I never could understand why they did not realize someone had to be behind the camera. Kind of stupid, in my opinion, that they could not connect the dots, but until this day they still can't.
Recently I have had other things come to my attention that is outing more and more of us. One is the HIPA of April 14, 2003. For anyone that is unaware of this new law, here is the URL: http://www.hipaadvisory.com
This gist of the law is that about anyone who needs my medical records, like say 2 or 3 different doctors, will have a hell of a time sharing them with each other, but the government can come in without a subpoena and/or due process and pick up my records. If I am notified about it, that medical professional can be tried for interfering with a government investigation and possibly be arrested. Also if it is believed I may, however vaguely, be a danger to anyone, they have to call the FBI and turn over my records. So be warned, don't piss off the medical office clerks. They can report you and nothing will happen to them if they turn in a false report but you and I have to pay a very expensive lawyer and hope to hell we can get out of the mess. Just read the whole Homeland Security Act.
Then come Google searches. How many of you do them? Did you know Google tracks your searches and will turn over the results to the federal government here in the USA? For more on this subject, read http://www.google-watch.org/ .
What happened to the 70's when all we had were books like "I'm OK, You're OK", and open marriages? No tags or pigeon-hole labels and we knew about the "Old Guard" or at least enough to be scared and stayed away. After all we were for "Make love not war". Give me a laced brownie ( pot was cheap back then ), and let me sit in a park and listen to a free concert.
Our web domain no longer has a guest book because my given name appeared from me being outed with biblicacal hate references about my sins. One great oxymoron to me is that the NLA-I ( National Leather Association International ), and the Southern Baptist National Conference Center co-exist in Dallas Texas. In 2000 the Southern Baptist (the denomination I was raised ), voted that a "wife should submit in ALL ways to her husband". We could say welcome to the world of D/s. You are great at proving we are following God's word. Personally I think they went to far because some of those wives out there are being killed by the husbands. What a thought -- the Southern Baptists too strict on the rules of D/s to be thought of as SSC. Go figure. It is one crazy world out there today.
Now take another step back to the 70's. Most of us were "Make love not war". Some of us sat in parks and contemplated the world while others were more active and did things like sit-ins at Berkley campus. By the way, I did vote for Nixon both times and the man broke my heart. We were out-spoken, brave in numbers and bragged that we probably had an FBI file like others did. LOL!! Most of us they did’nt have time for, but we all hoped anyway. Now back to the 2000's. That ol’ dusty paper FBI profile, filed in the dungeons of the FBI, might very well be out and about and on computers across the nation and globally. Kind of makes you want to grab a blankey and go hide.
So today there are many, many more ways to be 'outed' then ever before. From doctors’ records that may contain some reference to your lifestyle, to old FBI records now being pulled again, to Google searches -- not to mention ex-family members and just people who get pissed off at you. However life goes on and for me it is a grand adventure.
© cajunrose
June 2003. All rights reserved.
You may cross-post this, send, archive, stash, file, put on it web sites, dump it in the trash, or whatever. If you do share this article just give me credit for my "thoughts" and please insert an email link to cajunrose@atruerose.com. Who knows, I might get some interesting thoughts back...
Southern Baptists not SSC....:::shivers:::