Lost
Kittens and Wounded Doves:
A little while back, my son brought home a small gray kitten from the flea market. Every time I open the front door she scoots between my feet, bolts down the steps and hides under my car. Do you remember the last time you tried to get a kitten from under your car? Calling her to you does nothing. Trying to crawl in after her scares the heck out of her and she’s more determine to stay put. Once I tried cranking the engine hoping she’d run back up the steps to safety but she was too frighten to move. Don’t worry she wasn’t hurt and I know better than to try that again. I have found a couple of things that work, but not for the impatient. If you get in a hurry, it will only take longer and be harder on the both of you. Sometimes I take a twig or a leaf or pebble or whatever’s in the driveway and try to get her to come out and play. Sometimes it works but sometimes it only makes things worse. She comes out from under my car all right but before I can pick her up she dashes under the neighbors car. When all else fails there’s one way that works, but it takes time. I go back in the house and try to go about my business. True, I check on her from time to time to see that she’s all right; I hardly get anything else done. Sooner or later, when I open the door she races in and curls up in my arms. She looks me in the face and purrs as if she’s trying to tell me of her big adventures outside. The hard part is being patient; after all she may get hurt or some passer-by might mistake her for a stray and carry her off. But when she comes back in she’s happy to be home.
I can’t say I’m an expert or even qualified to talk about abuse survivors. Just when you thought, I really was only speaking of kittens. But I have been married twice, each lady was a survivor of one or more forms of abuse. Also, I’m friends with a number of survivors. So let’s just say, I’ve learned a few things not to do.
First of all, we can’t change the past. I know you know that but you’ll try anyway. We want so to make every thing right; to heal all the wounds and remove all the scars. We can’t. Even if we could, in doing so we’d lose the person we love. We are who we are because of our failures as much as our successes. We are who we are because of our scars as much as our beauty marks. Don’t deceive yourself into thinking your love can fix everything for her. It can make her strong and happy again, but know there are some things going on with her that aren’t about you. Don’t believe you can take care of all her problems. The only thing worse than you deceiving yourself into thinking you can heal her over night with your love, is letting her think so. It may hurt her when you don’t and you can’t. Disillusionment can easily turn to bitterness and the one who took responsibility for all her problems can now seem like he’s the problem. Many
years ago the Apostle Paul said that love endures all things, that love
overcomes all things.
So go slow, give her space, know that it isn’t always about you and let things happen in their own time. Be her friend, lover, protector, master, teacher, whatever; but know you can’t be everything all the time under your own strength. Leave some time for yourself. Speak freely with her; the feelings she sees in you that she does understand will likely frighten her. I suggest prayer and meditation too for the both of you. Once a psychologist told me that I had a gift for difficult relationships; I said thank you. She repeated herself and again I said thank you. She was puzzled and said it a third time as if I didn’t understand her. I said I know and I thank her again. She said you don’t understand that wasn’t a compliment; the fact that you took it that way speaks volumes about your personality. Well I guess that’s who I am and if you’re reading this because you love someone who has been abused then that might be you too. I don’t have any easy answers for you because there aren’t any. Just treat yourself and her with love, respect and patience. The road won’t be as easy as the one others are on but you both may find treasures the others never will. Don’t ask for guarantees; she can’t give them. Don’t you give them either. And next time your kitten is under the car, be patient with her even though you may be feeling you know what’s best for her and only you can take care of her. Thank you for listening; I hope some of it helped. Ladies, please don’t take offense to the analogy; it actually happened and it reminded me of something a dear friend went through.
Given
to Stormdncr as He started His journey with cajunrose
Copyrighted©
by Steel Dragon
press
on the rose to go back to
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